2007-12 Dennis' Deliberations

"Magicians are the new rock stars."--Pamela Anderson (Live with Regis & Kelly. July 5, 2007)

For me...... going into my 60th year, I don't think so! At my age, I am one key-ring short of a full set and I am always pouring out of the wrong side of my Foo Can.
Larry Thornton is one year older than me and my Calgary Canadian magician friend. He was a big help in putting together this month's column. I guess we old crabby guys enjoy sharing our mature and jaded views of the magic world?

The magic world is schizophrenic. And I'm about to prove it.

All our lives we're told: Be original. Don't copy another person's act. If you do -- so the mantra goes -- you will always end up an inferior knock-off of the original dude. Never, never, never will you be as good! A copy is a copy is a copy, and you'll be little more than a "rip-off artist", doing the magical arts an extreme injustice. --And some finger-waggers even go so far as to suggest the public will notice you're a rip-off! -- Or if they don't (what do THEY know??) the magicians sure as heck will!
Then the "gentler: side of the argument is always this: If you must copy an other magician's act and style, try to add nuances of your own; or as the late Chris Carey used to say in his lecture and booklet, "Do the stuff that's YOU!" (You should have this book in your library regardless of his jaded history)
THAT HAVING BEEN PREACHED - - over and over in the magic magazines, at conventions, at magic clubs (clubs!? I've got to be kidding!) and in magic books and all --- we then have to wonder:
Why are there so many commercial DVDs available from thousands of magic dealers that show professional entertainer's acts, right down to every subtle gesture and word? ... A case in point is the ad on page 6 of the July issue of Magic Magazine, where Harry Anderson has been enticed into selling his EXACT ACT of his hilarious "Cufflinks Supreme". He provides the DVD of his own performance. We are told Anderson has performed it everywhere, including television's Saturday Night Live, HBO, and other network appearances. BUT NOW --- for the very first time, any two-thumbed clumsy wanna -be ... or should I say more charitably, "Tom, Dick or Harry" (especially Harry!) can legally and ethically do the routine, and -- with Anderson's blessing -- DUPLICATE it word-for-word, with even the smallest bits intact. Why, you can probably even DRESS like Harry! Where's that old hat of Dads; and his tacky old pin-striped suit...
The Hocus Pocus magic company, who put Harry up to this (needed the cash after your businesses collapsed in New Orleans, Harry?) -- will likely make a small 'killing' with this routine. And they know that magic fanatics, being what they are, for every magician who turns Harry's classic comedy handcuff act into an actual PROFESSIONAL PERFORMANCE (i.e. makes money with it), there will be at least ten or twenty pipe-dreamers buying the DVD and included props, and doing essentially nothing with it. But that's not the point!
The point here, in this rant, is that the magic community is fond of telling every newcomer that they must try to develop themselves into original performers instead of clones. But at the same time, they should "look the other way" when it comes to dealerships hawking every successful act they can get their hands on. What is the unsuspecting public supposed to think of all this? Okay, so they have the memory of a gnat and will never remember how it was Anderson who made the routine great...

Go on "You Tube' and you will find no less than 7 identical and exact copies of the David Copperfield version of the Head Twister illusion. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..." every wiggle, every move, every eye glance... Even the identical Joannie Spina 50s dress! The funniest "You Tube" knock-off had an illusionist that weighed at least 300 pounds. His dancing version of The Twist was not a pretty sight.

Most magic is "Magic of the dealers, by the dealers and for the dealers"- to parody the words of Abraham Lincoln. Go to our flea market and look at the used magic on the tables. Much of this stuff was sold because it was marketed and not because it was worth anything. "People bought it because they could" - to parody the words of Bill Clinton. The typical flea market is filled with magicians and dealers "that know the price of everything and the value of nothing" - that is a direct quote from Oscar Wilde, no parody needed.

If you missed a few of those delightfully absurd superlatives in advertising flyers from the magic dealers, all of the following came out of just one recent magic supplier's newsletter :
1) "With Supercoin you can pluck coins from midair, make coins vanish into thin air and have everyone gasping for air!"
Oh joy. What about that octogenarian in the back on her tank of oxygen?! [ Wait!! I'm just warming up! ]
2) "Carry this revolutionary new coin gimmick and you'll have a concealed weapon in your pocket!"
Wouldn't that be against the law? I can see the headline: "Cris Angel exonerated, but arrested anyway for carrying a concealed weapon in his pocket. When he protested that it was just a new coin trick, he was immediately arrested and incarcerated for psychiatric therapy.
3) "With Alpha Card, the possibilities are endless!"
Unsolicited testimonial: I'm going on 60 years old, I've been doing Alpha Card since I was a kid, and I flatly REFUSE to die until I exhaust all of its endless possibilities...
4) "Fire Starter: Everyone has been asking for it. Now, Rick Haslett has created it! Fire Starter is the ultimate in utility devices. Truly, a magician’s dream!"
That's right, folks: As a bonafide magician, I can tell you I got truly SICK of everyone asking for it. But it truly IS the ultimate utility device: brushes my teeth, wipes my backside, and even shuts off my eardrums when 'George W' asks for still more cash for invading Iran and The Canary Islands. And YES-- it's a magician's dream! One performance in your sleep of "Fire Starter", and you, too, will become the Super Pyromaniac of the Night. Professor's Nightmare move over!!!)
5) "Big Bang [Exploding Light Bulb]: The ultimate demonstration of psychokinesis."
That's ULTIMATE psychokinesis, folks! If you ever should have the bizarre luck to witness Criss Angel levitating his entire staff (his disciples Banachek and Johnny Thompson are already pretty high as it is, you will love this. The exploding "bulby thingy" in the paper bag blows these and anything ELSE away as the ULTIMATE demonstration of mind over matter!
And: "You now are free to hand out the bag of broken shards ." [I kid you not, it's in the flyer!]
Wow children will love this!!! The sight of blood puts them all in stitches...
6) "Neat & Tidy: A jumbled mass of rubber bands instantly snap together to build a neat and tidy rubber band ball that can be dropped on the table or handed out to your spectators. Neat & Tidy is perfect for any rubber band routine. It creates a stunning effect out of the 'down time' moment when you introduce your rubber bands to the audience. As well as providing magic along the way [what-- on the way out the door?] , Neat & Tidy can act as both an opener or closer for your routine!
Oh great. If that's the GRAND CLIMAX CLOSER to a magician's entire show, I'd hate to have been the sorry witness to the rest of his act.
AND-- here's living proof that magic dealers dwell on a foreign planet:
"Rubber bands are familiar objects to an audience, and many of us remember making rubber band balls as kids [we do??] , so the magic has meaning to your audience."
If not meaning to their lives! Kinda brings a tear to your eye, no?? "Oh, my Lordie, Myrtle, it brought me back to my childhood where I whiled away thousands of hours of solitude playing with little rubber bands...."
AND-- "Is this suitable for a professional magician? Yes! The angles are perfect, it's an instant reset, the rubber ball is examinable, no pre-show set-up (work) is required, and it’s been tried and tested 'in the trenches'. The ball also makes a perfect chop cup load!"
1) The Golden Rule: Any trick with perfect angles is by simple fiat -- suitable for professional magicians. NOT!!
2) She: "Where are you going, dear?"
"He called me over to help him with his trick. With any luck he'll let me examine his rubber bands and his rubber balls."
3) "No pre-show work is required." That's funny--- most magicians have to spend their entire lives in "pre-show work". It's called a DAY JOB.
4) "It's been tried and tested 'in the trenches'. "
"Private, this is an order!!! Get your head DOWN, NOW ! You wanna get killed?? --And stop monkeying around with those stupid rubber bands!"
5) "The ball makes a perfect chop cup load!"
(Onlooker: "What the HECK is that??? Can't you just be like other magicians and produce those lemons and baby chicks??")
7) "Complete Course in Watch Stealing: Vol. 2 Rolex Style Watch":
Magician: "I was about to steal his watch when the guy caught me red-handed. I was drummed off the stage to gales of laughter."
Cohort: "Why??"
Magician: "Well you see, I studied vol. 2 of the complete course in watch stealing, only to discovered it was anything but complete: the dude was wearing a rotten Taiwanese counterfeit Rolex!!" What venues have men mostly wearing Rolex watches? Wall Street exclusive clubs? This is not a big market to perform in, huh?
"This DVD embodies everything about removing Rolex style wrist watches."
Including where to find a sympathetic lawyer when you're caught practicing it on the street...
8) "Miracle Shoelaces: Make your shoelaces change color!"
Walk up to someone on the street and show her your shoelaces. ... Devastating reactions every time! .... [Not again: ] Endless possibilities."
That's just what every magician should be doing these days: Walking up to complete strangers and asking them to look at their frigging shoelaces. Hank's right, many reactions to such a display of idiocy WILL be "devastating"! As for "endless possibilities", I can hardly imagine. --But Jay Sankey can!
9) "We set Matthew J. Dowden on a challenge. Learn seven world-class easy-to-do card tricks within 24 hours and then go out onto the streets of London and amaze your audiences!"
Well, if "Mathew J. Dowden" is a magician and doesn't already KNOW "seven world-class easy-to-do card tricks", then he must have spent his life in a cave. The blurb continues: " You’ll see Matthew perform seven of his fourteen fantastic card tricks that require no skill and absolutely no sleight of hand." (a) If they are HIS seven card tricks, then where does the "learn them in 24 hours" come into it? And if they indeed require NO SKILL ("and absolutely no sleight of hand" -- is redundant), why would it require 24 hours and how could they be world class?
The Newsletter summation:
"And that’s this week’s magical wonders. See, I told you it was amazing stuff this week."
Gee, thanks, Pal. And thanks also for the inadvertent entertainment.

Hey, I like the supplier mentioned above, I buy from him regularly and recommend his store. This guy and everyone else is just trying to make a buck and making a buck in magic has become increasingly harder and harder. So, keep your bucks closer to your wallet and don't believe all the advertising hype you read. No human communication is ever "fair and balanced'.

Dennis Phillips